The Onion, America’s finest news source, has been sold to “a syndicate of industrious China-men from the deepest heart of the Orient,” according to T. Herman Zweibel.
Tags: China, Mergers and Acquisitions, News, Newspapers, Onion, SatireThree Dozen Confirmed *@@## In Power Plant *@@##
*@@## PROVINCE—Emergency *@@## reported to the scene of a most *@@## early @## morning, pulling several *@@## bodies from the ensuing @## that erupted without *@@## or *@@##. The *@@##, believed to have been caused by a *@@##%#@, spilling *@@## among the faulty *@@##, and allowing high-grade *@@## to *@@## for miles, is the third such *@@## *@@## of *@@## in *@@##. “&%^*@@## *@@## devastating aftermath,” stated *@@## Plant Supervisor *@@##, who received orders from *@@## under the *@@## *@@## and must now accept *@@##. “*@@##*@@##.” Citizens should *@@## radiation *@@## sloughing off *@@## on the operating table.
