Posts Tagged ‘China’

The Cathay Onion


2009
07.22

The Onion, America’s finest news source, has been sold to “a syndicate of industrious China-men from the deepest heart of the Orient,” according to T. Herman Zweibel.

Sample of the new fare:

Three Dozen Confirmed *@@## In Power Plant *@@##

*@@## PROVINCE—Emergency *@@## reported to the scene of a most *@@## early @## morning, pulling several *@@## bodies from the ensuing @## that erupted without *@@## or *@@##. The *@@##, believed to have been caused by a *@@##%#@, spilling *@@## among the faulty *@@##, and allowing high-grade *@@## to *@@## for miles, is the third such *@@## *@@## of *@@## in *@@##. “&%^*@@## *@@## devastating aftermath,” stated *@@## Plant Supervisor *@@##, who received orders from *@@## under the *@@## *@@## and must now accept *@@##. “*@@##*@@##.” Citizens should *@@## radiation *@@## sloughing off *@@## on the operating table.

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Down Your Alley


2005
11.20

The People’s Daily (Beijing, PRC) has got the scoop on how the “foreign experts and international friends” entertain themselves:

In spare time, the daily said, many foreigners like to watch the arrangement of traditional houses in city alleys, or enjoy Chinese folk music accompanied by cups of tea.

(For comparison, please refer to “The Three Hundred Percenters” of 1968.)

This commences and concludes our celebrations of the 56th anniversary of the founding of the People’s Republic of China.

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U.S. rethinks Japan’s charter


2004
07.29

When Japan’s pacifist constitution was drawn up in 1947, United States occupation authorities led by Gen. Douglas MacArthur heavily influenced the final draft. Six decades later, the Americans appear to want it edited. The pressure started on July 22 when Japanese media reported that Deputy Secretary of State Richard Armitage had met Japanese politician Hidenao Nakagawa in Washington and told him that Article Nine, the provision in the charter renouncing war as a sovereign right, is hindering Tokyo’s ambitions to become a permanent member of the United Nations Security Council. A day later, John Bolton, U.S. undersecretary of state for arms control and international security, told reporters in Tokyo that “the decision by Japan to modify that constitution would be welcomed and accepted by the United States.” America’s desire for another close friend on the Security Council is understandable. In the run-up to the Iraq War, the five permanent members of the council — Britain, China, France, Russia and the United States — were hopelessly at odds.

Far Eastern Economic Review, Intelligence, 4 August 2004. (Paid subscription required.)

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New China rising


2004
04.15

New China is taking off architecturally as the proposed CCTV headquarters at Architectural Record shows:

Architectural Record/CHINA | Projects | CCTV Headquarters

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