SINGAPORE (Press Pool for Dissociated Press, Agence Farce-Presse, Routers, and Douche Presse Agentur), April 1st — Redefine Creative™, a world-renowned Singaporean creative and design bureau, is set to acquire Google®, Inc. (NASDAQ: GOOG), Microsoft® Corp. (NASDAQ: MSFT), the European Union, and the Sub-Saharan Africa south of the northern 18th latitude for an undisclosed amount.
According to a well-informed senior executive inside Redefine Creative, the paradigm-shattering seminal business event will be consummated as soon as the Court of First Instance of the Commission of the European Communities and the United States Department of Justice have given their blessing to the acquisition.
Spokespersons at Google, Microsoft, the E.U., and all the nations comprising the Sub-Saharan Africa declined to comment at this point citing the delicacy of the negotiations.
The Press Pool has learned that the new global conglomerate will be named RedefGoogMicroEuroAfroCreative (S’pore) (2008), Pte. Ltd. (or RGMEACS2k8PL for short), and is to be listed in the Mongolian Stock Exchange (Монголын Хөрөнгийн Бирж/Mongolyn Khöröngiin Birj) during the 2nd Quarter of this year.
An internal business planning document obtained by the Press Pool identifies RedefGoogMicroEuroAfroCreative’s strategic mission as to deliver seamless thoughtware, ramp up scalable value chains, empower bleeding-edge paradigms, configure mission-critical synergies, leverage granular connectivities, strategize frictionless ecosystems, operationalize holistic convergences, reengineer value-added transformations, globalize cross-platform capability transfers, and optimize enterprise-wide market spaces.
The Chief Executive of Redefine Creative, Mr. Kai Vilmi, could not be reached for a comment due to his pressing schedule described by a well-placed executive as “combination of ping-pong diplomacy, détente, appeasement, perestroika, doi moi, surge, and shock-and-awe“.
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