Kai Vilmi: creative directions

Hells Angels and other semiliterate oafs, watch out, here come literary tattoos: Contrariwise.

Former Forbes staffer Dan Lyons has retired his Fake Steve Jobs persona but continues to observe happenings as the Real Dan Lyons from the Newsweek tech columnist’s vantage point.

Whether the Linux Hater’s Blog is also Dan’s handiwork is shrouded in mystery but the language used within seems extremely similar.

SINGAPORE (Press Pool for Dissociated Press, Agence Farce-Presse, Routers, and Douche Presse Agentur), April 1st — Redefine Creative™, a world-renowned Singaporean creative and design bureau, is set to acquire Google®, Inc. (NASDAQ: GOOG), Microsoft® Corp. (NASDAQ: MSFT), the European Union, and the Sub-Saharan Africa south of the northern 18th latitude for an undisclosed amount.

According to a well-informed senior executive inside Redefine Creative, the paradigm-shattering seminal business event will be consummated as soon as the Court of First Instance of the Commission of the European Communities and the United States Department of Justice have given their blessing to the acquisition.

Spokespersons at Google, Microsoft, the E.U., and all the nations comprising the Sub-Saharan Africa declined to comment at this point citing the delicacy of the negotiations.

The Press Pool has learned that the new global conglomerate will be named Redef­Goog­Micro­Euro­Afro­Creative (S’pore) (2008), Pte. Ltd. (or RGMEACS2k8PL for short), and is to be listed in the Mongolian Stock Exchange (Монголын Хөрөнгийн Бирж/Mongolyn Khöröngiin Birj) during the 2nd Quarter of this year.

An internal business planning document obtained by the Press Pool identifies Redef­Goog­Micro­Euro­Afro­Creative’s strategic mission as to deliver seamless thoughtware, ramp up scalable value chains, empower bleeding-edge paradigms, configure mission-critical synergies, leverage granular connectivities, strategize frictionless ecosystems, operationalize holistic convergences, reengineer value-added transformations, globalize cross-platform capability transfers, and optimize enterprise-wide market spaces.

The Chief Executive of Redefine Creative, Mr. Kai Vilmi, could not be reached for a comment due to his pressing schedule described by a well-placed executive as “combination of ping-pong diplomacy, détente, appeasement, perestroika, doi moi, surge, and shock-and-awe“.

• Singapore Government set to ban Google Earth

. . . Google’s satellite pictures could hardly be called independent creations, as the geography and topology of Singapore is the result of various natural phenomena and the hard work, over many years, of millions of Singaporeans.

• Switzerland likely to outlaw cat fur trade

While it is legal in Switzerland to shoot feral cats as well as domestic ones that stray more than 200 yards from their homes, it is not clear how many cats are hunted every year here and across the border in France, where residents have also complained about disappearing felines. One government official put the number at a couple of dozen. Luc Barthassat, a legislator with the Christian Democratic People’s Party, said about 2,000, but members of S O S Chats, an advocacy group, say tens of thousands are killed.

“Anecdotes about the development of Apple’s original Macintosh computer, and the people who created it. (118 stories)”

At Folklore.org.

One of the best — and certainly the most hilarious — blogs covering computer technology: The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs (Motto: “Dude, I invented the friggin iPhone. Have you heard of it?”).

Yesterday’s (2007-09-27) protests in Myanmar highlight the power of number nine in Myanmar popular superstition:

Day: 27 = 2 + 7 = 9

Month: 9

Year: 2007 = 2 + 7 = 9

Number of reported deaths: 9

Last month a flyer circulated in Yangon calling people to disturb peace by banging pots and pans on September 11, 12, and 13 at 7:02pm (7 + 2 = 9), 8:01pm (8 + 1 = 9), and 9pm.

For comparison, in 1987 Gen. Ne Win ordered the issuing of bank notes of 45 (4 + 5 = 9) and 90 kyat.

Not to be outdone, the number eight also carries significance: nineteen years ago, the date of bloody demonstrations on 1988-08-08 is sill commonly referred to as 8/8/88.

Prez and Bremer in better times (White House photo by Tina Hager)

The former US proconsul to Iraq, Mr. Paul Bremer, today forwarded internal government letters to the New York Times contradicting Pres. Bush’s statements that the Prez did not know of the dismantling of the Iraqi military before the action took place.

Besides the shocking lapdog mentality (”As I have moved around, there has been an almost universal expression of thanks to the US and to you [Pres. Bush] in particular for freeing Iraq from Saddam’s tyranny.”), Mr. Bremer’s letters demonstrate the Washington Way of sucking up your superiors:

In the northern town of Mosul yesterday, an old man, under the impression that I was President Bush (he apparently has poor TV reception), rushed up and planted two very wet and hairy kisses on my cheeks. (Such events confirm the wisdom of the ancient custom of sending emissaries to far away lands).

http://www.nytimes.com/ref/washington/04bremer-text1.html

It is such a thrill to read the travelogues on the Yangonow site. The following gives you a good idea what will happen when you do a word-for-word translation from Japanese to English:

At Yangon airport, checking was rigid. But it was manual. It was ridiculous. The first flight with propeller left from the airport earlier than the time in the schedule. That time was 6:45. But we had already been in the air to 6:30. Most of the seats were occupied by the westerners. Wee! Wee! Wee! The propellers started to wind slowly. When the plane reached the end of the runway, it ran making the sound ‘Gyi, Gyi,’ I had laughed with thrill of pleasure. But the face of my friend looked like a dead one.

http://www.yangonow.com/eng/magazine/essay/kawasaki_m/essay01.html

Chairman of the State Peace and Development Council of the Union of Myanmar Senior General Than Shwe and Prime Minister of the Republic of Singapore Mr Lee Hsien Loong (Photograph credit: Myanmar Government)

The state of Singapore’s Fourth Estate:

Thousands bonded at Inter-Racial Inter-Religious Harmony Nite (Channel NewsAsia, 29 July)

Punggol East residents forge stronger ties and friendship (Channel NewsAsia, 29 July)

Fans mob Taiwanese pop group S.H.E at MediaCorp event (Channel NewsAsia, 29 July)

The state of Myanmar’s Fourth Estate:

Senior General Than Shwe sends message of felicitations to Peru (New Light of Myanmar, 28 July)

Minister inspects diesel locomotive shed (Mahlwagon) (New Light of Myanmar, 29 July)

Work Proficiency Course No 31 of Internal Revenue Dept concludes (New Light of Myanmar, 28 July)